For those unfamiliar with our live show, we utilize one very important device in the interest of brevity and discipline: the Time Timer. It is what keeps our combatants in check and our hosts honest–no mean feat. But we had no idea how the Time Timer felt about its role in WRITE CLUB, so we decided to ask it.
WCA:What is the current time?
TIME TIMER: Well, taking into consideration that the current timestamp of this email reads that I received your email 22 minutes ago, and assuming that you’ll check your email on a smartphone with push notifications (because who doesn’t have one?) and those push every 15 minutes or so, let’s say the “current time” by the time you receive this will be……..5:52. Tell me if I’m right! I love being right.
How did you get involved with WRITE CLUB?
I was lonely. I just sat on a shelf, setting and resetting my timer. …I must have buzzed off like 12 times a day. One afternoon, a very pale man with bright blue eyes decided that I needed to work for him. So I went on stage with him and told people how long seven minutes is. Then another pale man with blue eyes said that I should work for him too, but he has a beard. Do only Aryans need to know the time? It seems like that. Sometimes I get to kick ass. That’s fun.
What constitutes “kicking ass” for you?
Ooh! Kicking ass is when I get to buzz someone off the stage because they don’t know how long seven minutes is. It doesn’t happen that often, but when it does I get so excited! And angry!
Tell me about your relationship with the various combatants that you hold sway over.
I love all of the people over whom I govern. I love everyone. But sometimes, they don’t respect me. They don’t think I’ll buzz them. That ticks me off. Then I have to yell. I hope one day that I get to buzz the Viceroy, because when he finishes within ten seconds of the time he’s just so smug. I can feel it in his hands. I was sad when Bunny didn’t respect me, because she was telling a story about my counterpart–space! Space and time…I’m sorry I couldn’t allow her to continu…um. Heh. I tell jokes.
That’s pretty funny. Do you see yourself ever taking on a larger role within WRITE CLUB?
A larger role? I have the largest role! I tell people how long seven minutes is. Without me, you might be pinned to your seat now still, waiting for someone to finish their piece! Writers will go on forever if you let them. Or they’ll start crying. Either way, it makes me nervous. And angry!
Do you have a question for the Time Timer? Perhaps unsurprisingly, it has its own Facebook page.